Thoughts on The Wedding of River Song

Spoilers …

Intended Destination

Lake Silencio, UT, USA April 22, 2011 at 5:02 PM

Actual Destination

London, Holy Roman Empire, April 22, 2011 at 5:02 PM. Getting the date and time right is not hard as it’s always April 22, 2011 at 5:02 PM.

Monsters and Wank


Many, mostly The Silence. Also a Dalek, some Pteradactyls, flesh-eating skulls. Kovarian.

Emotional Wank

7 out of 10


Time is broken and all of history is happening at once. In the guise of an imprisoned soothsayer, the Doctor tells the story of broken time to Holy Roman Emperor Winston Churchill, who senses that time is wrong. The Doctor tells of hunting down people who work for the Silence and finding Dorium Maldovar’s living head, who tells him why the Silence need him dead. It’s a valid reason that the Doctor can accept, so he goes to meet his death. But River in the spacesuit refuses to kill him correctly, instead hitting him rapid-fire with the weapon and exhausting it before he dies. As the Doctor finishes his tale, they are beset by the Silence, but Amy and some military types show up to rescue him, but also stun him and carry him off to special pyramid in Egypt where many Silence are kept in tanks, under one watchful eye apiece of the troops, as the other eye wears an eye drive, a device to aid memory of the Silence, based on Kovarian’s. River and Amy have Kovarian prisoner, but once the Doctor arrives at the pyramid, the Silence begin to get loose, and the eye drives turn on their owners, inflicting variously death or agony. Our heroes retreat to the top of the pyramid where River has built a beacon to penetrate the time bubble and send a distress call about the Doctor, and millions of voices respond, disrupting planetwide radio transmission. All this time the Doctor is insisting he must die because this broken time is decaying and soon all will be destroyed, everywhere in the Universe, because the fixed point in time was violated. If he could but touch River, the opposite pole in the explosion, time would be set right. The Doctor starts a battlefield marriage ceremony between himself and River, during which he tells her a secret that persuades her to give in and let him kiss her, reverting time to its normal course. Later, River, fresh from the crash of the Byzantium, comes to meet Amy in her garden. She tells Amy and Rory the secret – that the body she shot was the Tesselecta, with the Doctor within. He was present as required, but unharmed. The Doctor returns Dorium’s head to its place, and Dorium reminds him that the Fall of Eleven and the Question still await him.


  • The Doctor has a sadistic streak in him, though arguably it might be okay to be sadistic to a Dalek. I like it.
  • The Dalek eyestalk demonstration. Total an “I’m a badass” calling card.
  • And you have to be a badass to read Knitting for Girls in a rough bar.
  • Doriam. I really came to like him quite well.
  • Mention of the Brigadier. All the name dropping actually in the “time never laid a glove on me” sequence. But the Brigadier … I was ever so fond of him too.
  • Train office! It is very nice.
  • Captain Williams. I like him very much. Want one of my own.
  • Jeff was right about the eye drives after all. Stupid prequel! I like that Jeff was right.
  • Matchmaking!  Hee, that’s sweet. I must remember to ask someone out for texting and scones sometime.
  • The joke about Rory always dying has gotten so big even the Silence know it.
  • Sudden realization of mother-in-law-hood. She looks properly shocked.


  • “You embarrass me.” Ass.
  • Still hate the tick-tock song.
  • River calling Amy and Rory Mother and Dad. Everyone knows who they are but she spent something like 15 years calling them Amy and Rory, so it ought to be okay to continue.

Comments and Questions

  • Why does River have to serve a sentence for a crime she didn’t commit? She really didn’t commit it – whichever of Madame Kavorian’s minions who programmed that suit did. She and they should be the ones in prison.
  • And therefore, why does she have to be forgiven? Why does she have to know she’s forgiven?
  • How did Kavorian’s eye drive get loose?
  • Maybe this belongs in Speculation, but … WTF took control of the TARDIS and blew up the Universe in Series Five?!?!?!  I was really hoping to find this out tonight and didn’t. We have to wait another whole series for this?!?!
  • I just realized we still don’t know what endless bitter war Kovarian was going on about. Is it the Silence’s efforts to keep the question from being asked? This should probably go into Dislikes.


They’re going to save whatever blew up the Universe for the Fields of Whatever-It-Was and the Fall of Eleven aren’t they? That new cliffhanger will likely be at the end of Series Seven, which I understand is supposed to be Spring 2013, as it’s a split series like this one with the first half Fall 2012.  Because that’s a fine time for the Doctor to regenerate. So wouldn’t it be nice to wrap up an old cliffhanger while we’re at it?

No real caps yet, just a few hasty grabs for this review.


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The Wedding of River Song
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2 thoughts on “Thoughts on The Wedding of River Song

    • Could be. Or maybe the conspiracy of the Silence is so pervasive that she loses the trial. Evidence goes missing? Something like that.

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