Monsters And Wank – A Very Brief Doctor Who Episode Guide – Series 3

[info]reebar likes Doctor Who, but he doesn’t care for episodes with too much emotional wank.  He does like episodes with monsters, though, especially if the Doctor gets to be a badass.  Here are some very brief descriptions of Doctor Who new series episodes, starting with the most recent series.  Heavy on the pictures, but they help with the “oh, yes THAT one” factor.


“Smith and Jones”

A hospital gets hijacked to the moon because the mercenary police Jidoon are looking for somebody.  Medical student Martha Jones is swept up in it.

Monsters: Yes, police.
Emotional wank: A smidgen.

“The Shakespeare Code”

Witches want to use the power of the Great Bard to take over our world.

Monsters: Yes.
Emotional wank: Nope.


Martha gets kidnapped and taken away into a planetary traffic jam with beasties in the bottom of it.

Monsters: Yes.
Emotional wank: Yes.

“Daleks in Manhattan”
“Evolution of the Daleks”

Oh god, Daleks again.  They’re using the just-being-completed Empire State Building in their nefarious plans to take over the Universe again.

Monsters: Yes.
Emotional wank: Yes.

“The Lazarus Experiment”

Also titled, “Why You Shouldn’t Perform Genetic Experiments on Yourself.”  Should have been called, “Dr. Lazarus is a Dumbass.”

Monsters: You only need one.
Emotional wank: Thankfully not.


Entire episode is realtime speed.  Crew of spaceship has 42 minutes to figure out why it’s plummeting into a sun and rectify the matter.  Flame possessed crewmembers would rather they didn’t.

Monsters: I don’t know if they count.
Emotional wank: Only the teensiest bit.

“Human Nature”
“The Family of Blood”

Strangest episode ever.  Doctor becomes human to elude creatures that want to use and abuse his talents.  Does not remember himself.  Doesn’t elude them for very long, though.

Monsters: Yes.
Emotional wank: Yes.


Very little Doctor and Martha in this one.  Sally must help the Doctor defeat creepy stone angels who send people back in time to get rid of them.  They’ve already got the Doctor and Martha, so Sally’s having to work with his clues from the past.

Monsters: Oh, yes.
Emotional wank: Some.

“The Sound of Drums”
“Last of the Time Lords”

Complicated three-parter.  The Master has been in hiding as a thoroughly charming human (also not remembering himself) at the end of the Universe. Once reconstituted, he comes to present-day London and is elected Prime Minister.  Promptly takes over world.  Nasty consequences.

Monsters: God, yes.
Emotional wank: Yes.  Some of it messianic, even.

Christmas Special
“Voyage of the Damned”

Starship Titanic is sabotaged.  The Doctor and a newfound friend must keep it from crashing into Earth on Christmas Day.

Monsters: Yes.
Emotional wank: Little bit.